confusion

I'm so confused... what is with this "love" thing anyway? Why is it that the guys who like me, I don't like.. and the guy I like likes me.. but probably not as much as I like him? Is it even worth going after? Is it even worth trying? or am I going to be the one who gets hurt in the end... hurt because he doesn't care? Is it even worth hurting all these people? Who am I to hurt them? I don't know.. so many questions.. so many confused thoughts... so much in the air.. the unknown...

I'm so sorry... "sometimes I wish you just don't treat me so nicely"... I don't mean to.. I don't mean to string you along.. weren't we friends? didn't we start off as friends? ... if you don't tell me... how am i supposed to know? just assume? and yet I spend my time on another... who probably won't cherish me to the same degree... to choose between one who loves me more, and one who I love more.. difficult decision. maybe the one that i love more, will learn to love me more? but there's the harm... i'm just making myself vulnerable.. waiting to get hurt..

relationships are so confusing.. stressful.. but can be so wonderful at the same time.. hopeless romantic that I am... I am really confused.. he's going to ask me out this week.. what should i say? Yes? and hope that he'll love me more and more? or no.. and just don't even give him a chance? *sigh*

My grades are up! I think I can get into Romance Studies Honours! YAYY!! The finals that I thought I would bomb, I didn't bomb at all, but did pretty well in... how surprising! I'm just so excited that I've improved... hopefully I'll continue to improve... hopefully?!

Yay for retreats!

   I just came back from a summer youth retreat, and I'm so glad I forced myself to go. Now I've realized how much I've strayed away from God, and that I need to try to run back to God. It's been a very challenging three days though... at the first Praise and Worship session, it was hard to concentrate and hard to feel His presence. Mostly it was just singing because everybody else around me was singing, but gradually... as the days went by, and as the speakers spoke on... I've finally started to be able to grow once again as a Christian.

    I was so happy that others grew with me along the way. One little boy in my group told us he was there to learn how to be comfortable in a group setting, and he did SO much talking and sharing in our group. Also, he started to accept God and stopped rejecting the religion/way of life... plus, I made friends with some really nice people, and I think I'm ready to go back to church, and back to youth group. Maybe... maybe i'll even consider getting baptised. I don't know... 4 years of Christian high school education... and I come out questioning the religion. All the denominations have their deviations from "the truth," but what is "the truth"? Oh well... I'll try this church again, and hopefully, this time, I won't try to move away and shut myself out again.

Wow.. it's totally been like 8 months since I last posted... what happened? well.. I really don't know... hahaha! well,my computer broke down, and I was REALLY annoyed at it, cuz I can no longer read ANY type of mandarin on the Xanga websites... so realli sorry to those who onli type in Mandarin.. to me, all I see are tiny little weird symbols which don't have any sinse whatsoever!

  To Anika,

man, girl! we need to hang out sometime... and I totally agree w/ you though. Blood is in you to give... if you can give, why not? I mean, it really saves a couple lives... ^^

  hmm... what to say? WELL! I've decided that Tuukka Rask is no longer my future husband... yes, after 3 months of no news from Tuukka... I guess the goalie isn't coming to Canada after all.. how sad right?... BUT... I was takin a break from studying for my stupid finals that are useless and pointless.. SERIOUSLY what difference does 25% make in your grade anyway?! If you aced the freaking final, or just passed it... the mark would only differ by about 8 percent or so... and you have so much pressure... okay, sorry about the rambling. I meant to say that I watched a show online, and I've decided that Mike Ho is absolutely amazing. Hahaha~ he seems like a cool rising star... so good luck to him in the future. ^^

   and now... i should probably get back to my finals.... *sigh* stupid finals... Good luck everybody!

The best days in the world are rainy days. It's so comfortable indoors, especially if you're curled up in front of the tv w/ a blanket, or if you're curled up in bed reading a book. your excuse? Ooh.. it's raining outside, I have nothing better to do. Or how about those times in the summer when it's WAY too hot to fall asleep? Rainy days just seem to invite the good old sandman, and really encourages sleep! hahaha~ ^^

   well, it's been a great couple of weeks. I didnt' have to do much except lounge around, work, and watch my fav. japanese shows. Seriously!! They're SOOOO good! hahahaha~ always full of hot guys/girls, funny scenes, sad scenes... makes me wish I didnt grow up in Canada. I mean... they have so much to do! and carnivals, festivals... school activities... even ppl in Taiwan got to have them... but me? Umm.. the occasional boring sports day... but that's kind of it.... in high school, if you weren't a band geek, or an athletic person.... you kinda went to school... and it kinda just ended there eh? plus... cuz you hafta change classes so much, there isn't that ONE class of ppl you're super close with.... so makes me so jealous! ^^ anyways... I should probably go get ready for work! see you guys later~